There Are Days I Want to Give Up

There are days I want to give up.

There are days I want to give up as a parent of a special needs child. I love my child and would do anything for him, but I’m tired. I’m tired of having to fight constantly for an inch of resources. I’m tired of doing what is best for him, which leads to us being looked down upon by others. I’m tired of being judged as a parent and blamed for my child’s autism because of his behavior. I’m tired of the policies and procedures used to keep him from being fully included in the church, schools, and society. I’m tired of there never being enough help, support, encouragement, and love. I’m tired of seeing him alone because while we talk about inclusion, we only want it when we can post a picture or use it for advertising to make us look good.

I’m tired, and I feel like giving up.

There are days I want to give up as a pastor. I love being a pastor, and it is a special calling, but I’m tired. I’m tired of the political nature of the pulpit today. I’m tired of the divisions within the church. I’m tired of the tribalism where we only see “my side” as living for God. I’m tired of schism. I’m tired of feeling the weight of people’s lives and souls, yet wondering if people care for me and my family. I’m tired of endless meetings and discussions of budgets and never enough discussion and conversation about sharing the love of Christ with our neighbor. I’m tired of feeling like no one pays attention and that I don’t matter.

I’m tired, and I feel like giving up.

There are days I want to give up. 

There are days when I want to throw in the towel. 

There are days when I wonder if I truly am making a difference.

I press on. Why? 

Maybe I am just a little too stubborn for my own good. Perhaps I remember that even during my worst days and challenging seasons, there are moments when God meets me and us. 

Even when I’m tired as a parent or a pastor, I am not alone because God is there. There is a presence of encouragement and hope of knowing that one day there will be light at the end of the tunnel. The presence of God, through moments of hope and expressions of grace, is the encouragement to persevere through storms and, yes, the moments

when I feel like giving up.

We all experience moments when we feel like tossing in the towel, giving up, and walking away. Yet, I believe that in those moments, God is present and offering a comforting word and encouragement through the storms that help us to persevere even when we feel like giving up.