Why Do I Stay in the Church?

There is a question that I have thought about for some time. 

Why do I stay in the church?

Admittedly, the church has not been kind to my family, our autistic child, or even understanding my concerns with anxiety and depression. The church has been where we have heard some of the most discriminating attitudes and thoughts shared towards us. The church has been the place, more than another, where we have seen our autistic child looked down upon for simply being who he is as a child of God. The church has been where we have felt more like an outsider than a part of the community.

So, why stay?

Why stay in the church when you feel like your child is unwanted and unloved? Why stay in the church when you have carried the pain of the church’s lack of embrace and acceptance? Why stay where you don’t feel wanted?

Those are hard and painful questions. They have kept me up at night and have wrecked me in my soul. I love the church, even when the church struggles to reciprocate that love and embrace those who are neurologically divergent. Yet, it is hard to stay.

I would be dishonest if I did not admit that I have considered, from time to time, what it would look like for my family to leave the church. Not to leave the faith, but to leave a system and institution that seems unwilling to change refuses at times to make basic accommodations, and is unable to accept people who can be hard to embrace. The church says it loves and includes people, but its willingness to love stops at the place of benevolence that keeps people like my son, myself, and my family at a distance.

It is hard to stay in the church.

So, why stay?

I stay because the church is bigger than the local community of faith. The church is not defined by where I happen to attend or serve. The church is the ongoing witness of Jesus Christ in a broken and hurting world. The church is the witness of Christ, and it is not defined by where we go to the church. It is defined by the church’s global witness and community that exists beyond the local community. While we might struggle to find acceptance in a local community, the church as the witness of Christ includes a larger body of fellowship. That fellowship exists to share the love and embrace for all that is often missing in a local expression of faith. 

I stay, too, because to leave the church would be to abandon my witness of inclusion and welcome. The commitment to stay is a living witness and reminder of the church’s responsibility to embrace all people for who they are in God’s love and care. To walk away from that witness is to permit the church to continue in its actions and activities that can marginalize families and individuals who are neurologically divergent. The church needs a visible reminder of those God calls it to love who need extra attention and accommodation to be part of the community.

I stay because I am not always right about the church. Yes, the church has been harmful in its witness. As often as it has been harmful to me and my family, I have also been amazed by those who are willing to learn and try to welcome people on the margins. I need that reminder that the church, through all of its faults, tries to welcome and love people like my son, my family, and myself.

I stay because I love the church.

That is more important than any reason I may have to walk away.