Several years ago, I told a group of people that I do not like the word normal. It came when people desired a sense of normality following the COVID-19 pandemic. During that conversation, I shared my belief that there is no such thing as normal, which led to some raised eyebrows and curious looks.
How can someone believe there is no such thing as normal? Normal, we tell ourselves, is part of our existence and way of life. There is no such thing as a normal. We are all different people and experience the world in unique ways.
My displeasure with normal is something I began to wrestle with during the COVID-19 pandemic. It expresses much of what I believe about disability inclusion in the church. There is no such thing as a normal experience that defines all people. We are all unique people, thus our experiences with one another, especially in a group context of worship and the community life of church, will be defined not by what is normal or expected, but by how our unique experience engages those shared moments. Yet, we desire normal and a bar of experience of which to measure all experiences, especially within the life of the church.
The word is based on the idea that there is an acceptable standard and anything outside of that quality, whatever it may be, is deemed undesirable. As a result, we will use words like “abnormal,” “challenging,” or “problematic” to define experiences or realities that go outside what we see as normal or acceptable. Those abnormal realities, things outside our belief of what should be normal, lead us to want to solve or fix a problem that we perceive exists so our experience will return to normal.
Who gets to define what is or what is not normal? Who is the ultimate decider on what is accepted as the norm?
We must recognize the prejudices and biases that shape our desire for normal. We deem normal based on what we find comfortable or acceptable, based on various metrics of culture, race, religion, gender, and more. This often leads to unfair criticisms of things we do not understand because they are outside our experience or acceptance of what is expected.
The consequence of our prejudices in the search for normal is we often consider problematic the experiences of behavior that are part of who someone may be in their authentic self. This is especially true when we consider behaviors we find unacceptable from those with neurodivergent conditions. For instance, because we expect people to sit and be quiet, a person who vocally stims to process their environment may be considered problematic or disruptive by a person, community, and, yes, the church.
The consequence of this desire for a normal experience with one another is that we often seek to minimize behaviors that are not what we desire, and even try to root them out. While some behaviors are not appropriate in a group setting, often what we seek to minimize, especially when it comes to autistic individuals and others, are behaviors that are part of who that person is in their unique self. We do this simply because we find it disruptive and harmful to our experience.
As a result, we are not dismissing a behavior by our attempts for normal. We tell that person whose behavior might be part of who they are that they do not belong unless they meet our expectations and standards.
There are consequences for how this desire for normal affects the mission of the church, which is called to be the ongoing witness of Jesus Christ in a broken and hurting world.
As a pastor, I have had countless conversations with staff members or volunteers about behaviors deemed problematic that are simply a part of a person expressing who they are and their needs. At the same time, I have experienced my children and myself, in our neurodivergent natures, being criticized or looked down upon simply for being who we are and failing to fit into the expected norms of proper standard decorum.
Our dismissive attitude and desire for a standard set of behavior ultimately harm our witness to be an inclusive church that makes room for all God’s people. Instead of making room at the table for those who are neurodivergent, the church often tells them that they only have a spot at the table of fellowship if they come on our terms and leave their own identity and challenging aspects behind.
That is not being the church, nor is it how I believe Christ calls us to welcome people for who they are in God’s creative beauty.
Instead of seeking normal or normalizing challenging behaviors or practices, I believe the church needs to do a better job listening to actual autistics, people with ADHD, advocates, parents, and other professionals about what is the best setting and practices for the church. In doing so, I believe the church will learn that we have made assumptions that are often ableist in its approach that harm our witness to the neurodivergent community.
There is no such thing as normal. We are all different people, with different needs, and unique ways of expressing ourselves. When the church removes its desire for normal and truly seeks to be a place where people can be who they are in God’s love, then, it will be a place that truly makes room for the neurodivergent at the table.
Shannon Blosser 